Badminton at Friday Friends
When doctors deliver a diagnosis of dementia, recipients number more than just one. For many families, caregivers find that their lives change dramatically, too.
Step into Wilshire Baptist Church two Fridays a month, and you’ll find folks singing, playing games and creating crafts. At first glance, you’ll think the carefully coordinated program, with its seasonal themes and energetic volunteers, is all about giving participants a safe, stimulating outlet with opportunities to socialize and have fun. And that’s true. But Friday Friends was created as a respite for spouses, siblings, children and other caregivers who simply need a few hours to visit their own doctor, get a haircut, catch up on household chores, enjoy lunch with friends or take a much-needed nap.
“We are not here to treat their disease,” explains Debbie Rampey, who volunteers as the development officer at Friday Friends. “We’re not here to cure them. We are not therapists, doctors or social workers. We’re here to have fun and entertain and be a social outlet while their caregiver has a chance to go do whatever they want to do.”
About seven million people in the United States suffer from dementia, and many are cared for at home by a loved one. You may be familiar with Alzheimer’s, but a constellation of diseases and conditions can lead to dementia.
“In their early stages, people can stay at home by themselves,” says Rampey, “but as the disease progresses they’re not safe at home by themselves. You hear about people turning on the stove and catching the house on fire or getting very anxious because they don’t know where their loved one is. It gets to the point that the loved one can’t go anywhere without taking the person with dementia along. These caregivers need a break, and that’s what we provide.”
Friday Friends pairs one volunteer with one enrollee all day, and additional volunteers administer the program and plan activities.
“It takes more people that way, but our volunteers love it,” Rampey says. “Even on days when we’ve had more volunteers than we needed and called to tell people they could stay home, they came anyway. We build relationships, and the volunteers want to be here to spend time with the participants.”
Friday Friends runs from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m., and church membership is never required. A few also participate in other local programs, such as North Park Presbyterian’s Casa de Vida on select Wednesdays, Highland Park UMC’s Journey each Thursday, Westminster Presbyterian’s Making Memories on select Thursdays, First Unitarian’s Unforgettable Friends on Wednesdays and a host of other suburban programs in the area. Participation is free at Friday Friends, but some programs charge a nominal amount to cover lunch or supplies. Some require caregivers to bring a sack lunch.
Meal time
“Here at Wilshire, we have a chef in the building, which I love,” says Rampey. “We have a hot lunch every time at no charge. Today’s theme was football, so we had hamburgers and tater tots with rice crispy treats shaped like footballs for dessert. All of today’s activities and crafts and songs are football-themed.”
Over the coming year, participants will see ghosts and goblins in October, holiday memories in December, Mardi Gras in February and shamrocks in March.
“Routine is very important to people with dementia, because they can become very anxious. They need to know what to expect,” says Rampey. “We always have music — longtime church member Max Tucker loves to play piano and lead us in singing. Music is one of the last skills that leaves a person with dementia, and we have had people get anxious and withdraw, then sit down at the piano and play beautifully. We’ve had people who are losing the ability to hold a conversation, but then they know every word to a Baptist hymn or a song from the 1940s. It may or may not carry over to the next activity, but for that period of time, they are having a blast. Music sparks joy.”
Tucker and his team select a wide range of songs in hopes that each attendee will recognize a few old favorites and sing along. The task isn’t easy, since there are some with early onset dementia who haven’t reached the age of 60, while others are well into their 80s.
“When we’re doing national parks, we might sing ‘This Land is Your Land,’” says Rampey. “When we celebrate Fourth of July or Veterans Day, we’re singing the Academy songs. When we do football, we might sing the Aggie and Longhorn and Sooner fight songs. We’ll sing ‘Great Is Thy Faithfulness,’ ‘You are My Sunshine’ and ‘Fly Me to the Moon.’”
DSO Cares is an outreach of the Dallas Symphony Orchestra which sends musicians directly to Friday Friends as well as hospitals, schools for disadvantaged children and other organizations throughout Dallas free of charge. A group called Texas Winds is comprised of community musicians who do the same.
Luau Limbo
In addition to volunteers and support from Wilshire Baptist Church, Friday Friends depends heavily on donations. They are one of 22 local nonprofits supported by the AWARE Foundation, which invests in local dementia programs and research. AWARE will deliver more than $400,000 in grants this year alone. Friday Friends has also received grants from appreciative family members.
“It’s not babysitting — it’s four hours of relief,” says Program Director Terry Wade. “As much the caregiver loves this person, they are giving 24-hour attention. There are just so many different things that can occur where the caregiver is the only person they are dealing with. They know they can bring their loved one to Friday Friends and they’ll be safe and engaged.”
If you or someone you know who is caring for a loved one with dementia would like to participate in Friday Friends, contact Minister to Senior Adults Katie Murray at kmurray@wilshirebc.org or Outreach Coordinator Linda Lyles at Lilyles@sbcglobal.net.
Wilshire Baptist Church is at 4316 Abrams Road.
Indoor golf
Building with Magnatiles
